Couples Therapy
Do You And Your Partner Often Misunderstand One Another?
When you consider the issues you have in your intimate relationship, you may believe that many of the challenges boil down to communication. The two of you never seem to understand one another, and it can sometimes feel like you are speaking a different language entirely.
Naturally, this leads to tension in the relationship. You may argue frequently or carry resentments that your partner hasn’t made changes and worked harder to repair the breakdown in communication that has occurred. The more emotionally distant the two of you become, the more the resentment builds. You no longer make attempts to be closer, and it’s possible that you distract yourself from sadness and isolation by burying your head in your work, parenting, or other activities.
Parenting Demands May Be Putting Stress On Your Partnership
For couples who are parents, in particular, it’s hard to make time for the relationship amidst the chaos of raising children. You may feel frustrated by the division of responsibilities or have disagreements about your parenting styles in general. Though you want to model healthy bonding and communication to your children, you and your partner have hit a dead end in your discussions. Instead of hearing one another, you may be quick to place blame or avoid working toward a compromise.
Couples therapy is an opportunity to learn to speak each other’s language. With a deeper understanding of the system you have created as a couple and a meaningful collaboration towards shared goals and values, you can create a stronger marriage/partnership in counseling. Working together, I can help you and your partner chart a path toward a closer, more connected future.
Have any questions? Send us a message!
Relationship Issues Are Often A Result Of The System Created Between Two People
In each relationship, we bring certain behaviors, patterns, and perceptions into our connection with the other person, thereby establishing a unique system within the bond that we share. Nowhere is this system more present than in our familial relationships, especially those we have with our intimate partners.
Because we fall into such a routine with our significant other, it’s easy to let the fundamental work of the relationship fall by the wayside. Soon, other things become prioritized over the partnership, causing us to lose sight of the other person’s wants, needs, and feelings.
Parenting complicates this relationship because it requires a lot of negotiation and compromise. The system we create with our partners gets disrupted and irrevocably changed when kids are introduced to the mix, causing certain unprocessed issues to surface and affect our ability to communicate our needs. As much as we want to model healthy, loving behaviors for our children, we may have lost the energy, motivation, and insight to break the cycle of tension and misunderstanding between our spouse and ourselves.
There is a lot on your plate as you meet the demands of raising a family and managing the many other responsibilities you have. As a couples therapist, I can support you in enhancing your ability to work as a team so that your relationship can feel more collaborative, functional, and full of possibility.
My Approach To Couples Therapy
Whether I am working with individuals or couples in therapy, I view every challenge through a relationship lens. As a systems-oriented clinician, I believe that our healing lies in a deeper awareness of how we relate to one another—and ourselves.
I welcome couples of all backgrounds to counseling. While I don’t work with anyone who has any current court restrictions, I will work with couples who are in crisis. Ultimately, most of the couples issues I work with boil down to how to interpret one another. And because I have an extensive background in teaching and child development, I have a particular passion for working with parents in couples therapy. I also welcome couples to counseling who identify as LGBTQ+.
The Process
If you’re curious whether or not I’ll be a good match as a couples therapist, you are welcome to schedule a free 15-minute consultation to find out more about my approach to counseling. From there, if we decide to work together, you and your partner will be asked to perform standard intake forms, which will include information on confidentiality and consent.
Inside the session, I aim to create an experiential atmosphere where meaningful communication and progress can take place. Using Encounter-Centered Therapy (EcCT)—often considered an offshoot of Imago or Gestalt therapy—I help couples gain an extensive understanding of their relationship patterns through metaphor, creativity, and imagination. I am not a therapist who invites arguments into the session, but rather, will help you figure out how to create a relationship that aligns with both of your goals and values.
In addition, for couples meeting with me in person, I offer eco-therapy opportunities right in my backyard. With the privilege of a beautiful landscape surrounding my Grass Valley home office, I invite clients to come and receive the healing benefits of being in nature. Gardening activities can be especially helpful for couples as they foster skills for teamwork, negotiation, and problem-solving together.
Each of us operates from our own worldview—our own shade of colored lenses, in a way—and as a couples therapist, I view my job as a tour guide or translator. I can help you see beyond your own individual framing to create a vision that you share with one another. In couples counseling, you will learn greater compassion and communication in the process of working towards the future you want together.
Maybe You’re Considering Couples Counseling But Still Aren’t Sure If It’s Right For You…
I know I still love my partner, but why don’t I like them anymore?
Oftentimes, couples who have been together for a long time can develop a more individualistic perception of their relationship rather than a communal or collaborative one. In believing that certain individual needs haven’t been met, resentment builds, obscuring the character traits you once liked about your partner—though those traits probably still exist.
Couples counseling is an opportunity to view your relationship as a unit so that you both can be aware of what you are contributing to cycles of disconnection and miscommunication. With a more empathetic shared vision of how your relationship operates, you can make meaningful changes to work together more cohesively.
Do you accept insurance?
No, I do not accept insurance. However, I believe that therapy is a deeply valuable investment in your future as a couple. Though I only take private-pay clients, I will create a highly customized counseling experience for each couple so that they feel that their time in therapy is efficient and worthwhile.
Will you work with our family in therapy?
While I have a lot of experience working with kids and their parents, I only see adults in counseling. My relational approach to therapy can help improve all of your relationships, including those you have with your children and as co-parents. Yet, if you need additional resources for family therapy, I am happy to offer recommendations or make referrals.
Learn To Speak The Same Language Again
If communication challenges are causing ongoing conflict and tension between you and your partner, couples therapy can help you better interpret one another. Connect with me to schedule a free, 15-minute consultation and learn more about my approach as a couples counselor, call (408) 680-8114.
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