Posts by mudarritherapy

Find compassion when Love has Left the Building

Posted by on Mar 29, 2017 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

I had a rare free half hour in my office the other day to do nothing but check e-mails and catch up on the ever lengthening to do list and I decided to watch a short video for therapists on how to work with couples. In the video Esther Perel and Terry Real talked about principles for staying in love with your partner. After letting things sink in I started to think how these same principles of compassion and mindfulness could be applied to the relationship with our children. One of the things they talked about is remembering that this is a person you love. Sometimes when one of my daughters is rolling her eyes, or simply not even making eye contact, I have brief moments when I momentarily forget this fact, and am overcome with annoyance or exasperation. This is when we have to remember that it is our inner child that is being hurt.  Afterall, just like our children, one of the things we want most of all is to feel heard and cared for. We want to know that we matter. I remember feeling equally exasperated when my children were younger and throwing a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store.(when all I wanted was to finish shopping and get home) I use positive discipline principals with my children, and one of the things they teach is  “connection before correction.” Often what they are referring to I believe, is an attempt to validate the other’s feelings, and to let the person  know you are coming from a caring place. However, just as important I think is that same connection with ourselves. Taking that Pause to notice. Why are you really upset? Because usually it has little to do with what we think we are upset about. -the eye rolling, the temper tantrum, or that my partner forgot to pick up more milk on the way home. If we can take a moment to zero in on our wound, and acknowledge our own vulnerability before we respond, then perhaps, we can more easily respond from a place of love. Let me be clear, I don’t mean to spend time digging up past hurts, or relive painful experiences every time we are ‘triggered’-just that it’s important to acknowledge that our current state of mind or behavior is coming from  an old wound or an unmet need. Once we know that, we can have compassion for the part of us that has just been hurt. Only then, can we address the real issue in front of us, and also have compassion for our loved one who just rolled his or her eyes in our direction. Please feel free to join one of my groups, or schedule an individual appointment to find out and practice how to have more of these moments. Call 408-680-8114 for a free consultation or questions. More at...

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Finding Compassion when Love has left the building…

Posted by on Feb 10, 2017 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Blog #3 Politive Intention – Google Docs

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Calm is not wishing

Posted by on Oct 6, 2016 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Sometimes calm is not wishing… By Julia Mudarri LMFT Part of being able to remain calm and act from a space of gratitude or compassion, is sometimes simply not wishing for things to be any different than they are right now. In other words, go with what is. This morning,  as my children and I were rushing out the door to make it to school and work on time, I had a brief moment of appreciation.  I suddenly marvelled at  how we always seem to “make it” in spite of the daily rush. For a few seconds I was able to step outside of the action, and watch our well oiled morning machine as we gathered our lunches, took last bites of breakfast on the way out the door, ran back in a couple of times for our phones, homework or water bottles…all the while verbally reminding each other what we needed to remember this morning. In that moment, all I thought was what an amazing team we made and how supportive we are of each other to make our exit successful each morning. Now of course, there are other mornings where my thinking is much more negative, yelling for someone to hurry up or get out of bed. The difference I realized this morning though, is that those are the moments I am wishing for the situation to be different instead of just going with what is. And not only that, but pausing to notice. How we think about situations like these is an illustration of how thoughts about simple aspects of our daily routines can be tied to what Dr. Carol Dweck refers to as growth vs. fixed mindset. (/www.mindsetworks.com/science). Though sometimes difficult to notice in ourselves due to the automatic nature of our thoughts; It is these attitudes that actually help to shape our neural pathways and help determine not only our outlook on life, but in turn, affect our emotions, stress levels, abilities to learn, function and relate to others. The good news is that science is finding that our brains are actually quite elastic.We actually have the power to change our brains, by changing our thoughts, behaviors, and the way we  experience these.(http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/a0024657) Neural plasticity is the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections. Throughout life, neural plasticity allows nerve cells to compensate for things like trauma, injury and disease by adjusting the way these cells respond to changes in the environment. Through the use of tools like mindfulness, various forms of psychotherapy, meditation and prayer, to name a few; (http://scan.oxfordjournals.org/content/2/4/259.short) We can alter our habits to the point of changing our default way of thinking and behaving to form new connections in our brains. These new connections have the potential to make us feel better. Essentially it’s like teaching our nerve cells to respond in different ways. Next time you have a positive experience try this: Take 2-3 seconds to pause and allow the feeling sink in as you breathe, helping to ‘cement’ the moment into memory by paying attention to body sensations, smells and emotions. Please feel free to join one of my groups, or schedule an individual appointment to find out and practice how to have more of these moments. Call 408-680-8114 for a free...

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Be the eye of the storm

Posted by on Sep 27, 2016 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Hello, Overstimulated, tired, frazzled, busy, stressed….These are all states that come with the territory when living in Silicon Valley and/or raising kids. So,how do we learn to be the “CALM” in the center of all the activity? The moments when we are able to act from this calm and joyful place are often the best moments for ourselves, and with our children. Try this: S T O P–Stop, Take a breath, Observe, Plan from calmness. Often in the midst of our chaos and juggling we start feeling stressed because things aren’t going according to planned, or we simply feel overwhelmed by the sheer length of our “To Do” list. When you find yourself clenching your jaw, STOP for a moment. Even just pausing can change our demeanor. Take even just one deep breath.Breathing deeply can help us literally slow down by changing our body’s physical reaction to stress. Now, observe what is happening inside yourself, then around you. It helps me to pretend I am a scientist and observing an experiment. One of the tricks I use is to get out of my thoughts about how I may be late to work (insert your own story here) and just observe the obvious. “Oh, my jaw is clenched right now”. Turning to what is ACTUALLY happening and getting out of your own story about the situation can help take away it’s power. Now that you’ve taken a few breathes and observed what’s happening, it’s time to move forward. Come up with a simple plan in the moment. Sometimes the plan is to give up the original plan all together. In this instance, I’m not talking about problem solving. Think much simpler. What’s the one tiny thing to get you to the next moment? Maybe it’s smiling, or making a phone call. Whatever the case may be, you are acting from a place of calmness. Not only will you feel it, but so will those around you. So, next time you find yourself feeling frazzled don’t forget to S T O P. This is something you can do in any moment, no equipment or really much time required. To talk more about and experiment with ways to find our center in the midst of all we do (Any other topics also welcome) Please feel free to join one of my groups, or schedule an individual appointment. Call 408-680-8114 with any questions. Julia Mudarri,...

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Hello world!

Posted by on Sep 6, 2015 in Uncategorized | 1 comment

Hello world!

As a former teacher, parent coach, and mother I offer a broad, holistic perspective and approach. I specialize in parenting and women’s issues. I have a passion for helping parents understand themselves and their children while developing skills to deal effectively with everyday parenting challenges and difficult situations.As a former teacher, parent coach, and mother I offer a broad, holistic perspective and approach. I specialize in parenting and women’s issues. I have a passion for helping parents understand themselves and their children while developing skills to deal effectively with everyday parenting challenges and difficult situations.As a former teacher, parent coach, and mother I offer a broad, holistic perspective and approach. I specialize in parenting and women’s issues. I have a passion for helping parents understand themselves and their children while developing skills to deal effectively with everyday parenting challenges and difficult situations.As a former teacher, parent coach, and mother I offer a broad, holistic perspective and approach. I specialize in parenting and women’s issues. I have a passion for helping parents understand themselves and their children while developing skills to deal effectively with everyday parenting challenges and difficult situations. Share...

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